PeaceChicken.com

so let me give a brief explanation of what it's like to know you have a problem and would benefit from seeing a counselor or therapist or whatever. most times it is very hard to even admit you need help, and then it's even harder to find help. most importantly, and hardest for “stable” people to understand, the slightest obstacle to getting help is bigger than life and it's very easy to give up. but hopefully the day comes when you decide to finally seek an answer no matter how hard it may be.

i tried calling some place yesterday, where i was referred to last year but haven't been to since november. the woman i talked to last time no longer works there and i was reassigned to someone else. though i didn't know any of this because any mail they sent me was sent to my old address and wasn't being forwarded. i am directed to the new person's number but only get her voicemail (first oppotunity to give up). she calls me back last night leaving her number but i wasn't home. i call her back today, actually getting to speak with her. apparently my case was closed and she isn't supposed to take any new patients but she could try and fit me in the end of september (second opportunity to give up, who wants to wait 2.5 months???). she decides to ask if anybody else is accepting new patients, i wait on hold another five minutes (third opportunity to give up). she finally comes back and says since my case was closed i need to go through the whole readmission process again and will transfer me to the front desk to set up an appt. for that, more waiting on hold (fourth time to get frustrated)… i'm back at the front desk again, since my case was just closed today, it hasn't been totally processed and i have to call back some time next week after it's totally closed, they can't reopen it until then. some administrative crap like that.

so we have it, the lucky number is five and i have gotten nowhere. five times that had i not been in a good place today, i would have said to hell with it and given up. i wonder if the people in therapist world have any clue what it's like to need help and have to go through all these little processes to get it. and people wonder why i'm so stubborn about it.. try being depressed and having to deal with this shit.