PeaceChicken.com

Have you ever taken the time to peruse the lovely assortment of government websites out there? You should— your tax dollars pay for them. There are some really great ones like THOMAS and the Library of Congress. And who can forget whitehouse.org? — Oops, I mean whitehouse.gov.

Some sites are just downright creepy, some are more amusing than watching Bush try to piece together a coherent sentence. I first realized their entertainment value after visiting the TSA website, researching whether I was allowed to bring 3 or 4 ounces of face lotion/potential bomb-making cream on a recent trip to Los Angeles. Not only did I find the answer to that mind-boggling National Security question, I also found the “Are you on a watch list?” page. What fun!

I thought I had grasped the extent of it, but then I found that most every government website also has a kids page. I’m not talking Student pages intended for high school and/or college students. I’m talking real kids: 5 year olds with sticky fingers that get Captain Crunch stuck up their nose. Well don’t worry, the government hasn’t forgotten about them, they’ve made sure they’re brainwashed as soon as they learn how to say “dot gov!”

Here are some of my personal favorites:

• Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms Kids Page
• CIA Kids Page
  

  “The CIA is an independent US government agency that provides national security “intelligence” to key US leaders so they can make important, informed decisions. CIA employees gather intelligence (or information) in a variety of ways, not just by “spying” like you see in the movies or on TV (though we do some of that, too).”

• Defense Intelligence Agency Kids
• FAA Kid’s Corner
• FBI Kids Page
• FDA Kids’ Page
• FEMA for Kids
• Homeland Security for Kids
  

  “Terrorism is the use of threat or violence to scare governments into changing their policies. A terrorist can be an individual or a member of an organization. The attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001, are examples of acts of terrorism.”

• NIST in Your House
• NSA Kids
• Social Security Online: Kids’ Place
• The White House for Kids

I know what you’re thinking. It was the first thing in my head too. Why in the world doesn’t the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency have a Children’s page?? Never fear, they have one too.

Next thing you know, the Army’s gonna market a video game to kids in a pathetic attempt to glorify warfare and murder so they can meet their recruitment goals. Oh, wait…