Monthly Archive for February, 2009

I’ve recently concluded that for over eight years now I’ve been experiencing the five stages of grief. I’ve lost my country. The United States as I knew it, is dead.

Unlike a clinical death, the time of death for a country is different for everyone. For me it was Election Night, 2000. It happened sometime after I closed my eyes and fell asleep that night, with the TV still on and the networks trying to guess who had won. My country’s heart was stopped by the time the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush the winner. That was it for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s when the seed was planted in my head that the country and the system I grew up knowing and trusting was not real at all, just an illusion. The Statue of Liberty, elections, protests — all desperate attempts at hanging on, like closing your eyes after the alarm clock goes off, hoping you can pick up your place in the dream you were just having. But you know you never make it back there, do you?

It took me until now to realize it. I suppose at the age of 26 I’m lucky to have realized it so soon. There was nothing unique about my route here, I took the mapped out and predictable path: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally– Acceptance.

First was denial. That was easy, it was just a fluke election, the machines messed up in one little state. This is AMERICA! Nothing malicious happened, just an “oops.” An oops with over a million dead repercussions and more than one country left in shambles.

The Anger stage lasted from about 2003-2006. This manifested itself in the form of many, many protests, blogs, and arguments. Lots of sign-waving, shouting, pounding on streets, honking my horn, etc. ANYTHING to let the world know I DID NOT AGREE with what was being done in the name of my country.

Bargaining. This stage was a clever one, only now do I see it for what it was. I kept discovering cracks in the foundation, hoping if I wiggled a chisel far enough in, I could get the whole thing to crumble. First it was the obvious immorality of the Iraq invasion and occupation. Surely if the people knew their tax money was being used for mass murder and destruction overseas, they would rise up! Then it was the September 11th attacks. Surely if the people knew their own government helped to carry out the murder of 3,000 of their own citizens, they would rise up! Then it was the Federal Reserve. Surely if the people knew our monetary sytem was nothing but a form of slavery and deception, they would rise up! Then it was Israel.. then it was Pakistan.. then it was Iran..

I kept throwing out sparks, hoping to start the fires of the next Revolution. But they never rose up.

Then came the Depression stage. Article after article. Proof after proof. Nothing seemed to penetrate the walls of American apathy. Sugar-coated televisions were always picked over the bitter pills of truth. I was exhausted. Shouting from the rooftops did nothing. I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried. Common sense. Reasoning. For years on this blog I wrote straight from my heart. I tried the Socratic method. Color. Black and white. Visual. Audio. Nothing worked, and I’m sick of trying. Should it really be this hard? Should I sacrifice my own happiness trying to save people who don’t want to be saved?

Then came the final straw: the Coronation of King Obama, when millions of Americans gladly welcomed a new politician just like the old one, with new plans for an old socialist system, new legislation for an old bailout trick, new money for old wars. He even has my best friend fooled.

My body, my heart, my soul cannot take it any more. I have collapsed. And I don’t want to get back up. I’m tired of being angry and disappointed every. single. day. I can’t take all the sadness. All the destruction. All the evil. I’m tired of spending my days on guard watching their every move, instead of living my own life. They’ve had me imprisoned for years without me even realizing it.

This is my white flag. There are no red stripes on it. No stars. Just white.

And so here I sit at the gates of the Acceptance stage. I accept the apathy of my fellow citizens. I accept that they have chosen TV, sugar, and government control over critical thought and liberty. This doesn’t mean I will join them in their gluttony and robotic antics, but it does mean I will no longer take the reins of a bullhorn or paint another protest sign. It means I will live my life again. I will love my family. I will appreciate the goodness still left here on this earth, before it’s inevitably destroyed. I will hang on to that which no politician can ever take from me. My heart, my independence, my dreams. I’m taking my freedom back, the kind of freedom which cannot be contained in the walls of any country or sewn into any flag.

There are 24 hours in every day. I’m taking every one back. There are four seasons to experience, and I want them all. 365 days a year? I want them too.

I’m taking it ALL back, and nobody can stop me. Keep fighting the good fight my friends. As for me, I’m off to a revolution of my own, called Life.

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.”