I’ve recently concluded that for over eight years now I’ve been experiencing the five stages of grief. I’ve lost my country. The United States as I knew it, is dead.
Unlike a clinical death, the time of death for a country is different for everyone. For me it was Election Night, 2000. It happened sometime after I closed my eyes and fell asleep that night, with the TV still on and the networks trying to guess who had won. My country’s heart was stopped by the time the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush the winner. That was it for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s when the seed was planted in my head that the country and the system I grew up knowing and trusting was not real at all, just an illusion. The Statue of Liberty, elections, protests — all desperate attempts at hanging on, like closing your eyes after the alarm clock goes off, hoping you can pick up your place in the dream you were just having. But you know you never make it back there, do you?
It took me until now to realize it. I suppose at the age of 26 I’m lucky to have realized it so soon. There was nothing unique about my route here, I took the mapped out and predictable path: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally– Acceptance.
First was denial. That was easy, it was just a fluke election, the machines messed up in one little state. This is AMERICA! Nothing malicious happened, just an “oops.” An oops with over a million dead repercussions and more than one country left in shambles.
The Anger stage lasted from about 2003-2006. This manifested itself in the form of many, many protests, blogs, and arguments. Lots of sign-waving, shouting, pounding on streets, honking my horn, etc. ANYTHING to let the world know I DID NOT AGREE with what was being done in the name of my country.
Bargaining. This stage was a clever one, only now do I see it for what it was. I kept discovering cracks in the foundation, hoping if I wiggled a chisel far enough in, I could get the whole thing to crumble. First it was the obvious immorality of the Iraq invasion and occupation. Surely if the people knew their tax money was being used for mass murder and destruction overseas, they would rise up! Then it was the September 11th attacks. Surely if the people knew their own government helped to carry out the murder of 3,000 of their own citizens, they would rise up! Then it was the Federal Reserve. Surely if the people knew our monetary sytem was nothing but a form of slavery and deception, they would rise up! Then it was Israel.. then it was Pakistan.. then it was Iran..
I kept throwing out sparks, hoping to start the fires of the next Revolution. But they never rose up.
Then came the Depression stage. Article after article. Proof after proof. Nothing seemed to penetrate the walls of American apathy. Sugar-coated televisions were always picked over the bitter pills of truth. I was exhausted. Shouting from the rooftops did nothing. I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried. Common sense. Reasoning. For years on this blog I wrote straight from my heart. I tried the Socratic method. Color. Black and white. Visual. Audio. Nothing worked, and I’m sick of trying. Should it really be this hard? Should I sacrifice my own happiness trying to save people who don’t want to be saved?
Then came the final straw: the Coronation of King Obama, when millions of Americans gladly welcomed a new politician just like the old one, with new plans for an old socialist system, new legislation for an old bailout trick, new money for old wars. He even has my best friend fooled.
My body, my heart, my soul cannot take it any more. I have collapsed. And I don’t want to get back up. I’m tired of being angry and disappointed every. single. day. I can’t take all the sadness. All the destruction. All the evil. I’m tired of spending my days on guard watching their every move, instead of living my own life. They’ve had me imprisoned for years without me even realizing it.
This is my white flag. There are no red stripes on it. No stars. Just white.
And so here I sit at the gates of the Acceptance stage. I accept the apathy of my fellow citizens. I accept that they have chosen TV, sugar, and government control over critical thought and liberty. This doesn’t mean I will join them in their gluttony and robotic antics, but it does mean I will no longer take the reins of a bullhorn or paint another protest sign. It means I will live my life again. I will love my family. I will appreciate the goodness still left here on this earth, before it’s inevitably destroyed. I will hang on to that which no politician can ever take from me. My heart, my independence, my dreams. I’m taking my freedom back, the kind of freedom which cannot be contained in the walls of any country or sewn into any flag.
There are 24 hours in every day. I’m taking every one back. There are four seasons to experience, and I want them all. 365 days a year? I want them too.
I’m taking it ALL back, and nobody can stop me. Keep fighting the good fight my friends. As for me, I’m off to a revolution of my own, called Life.
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Too bad… I just stumbled over your blog today, planning to follow it some – and it seems there are no more articles coming.
Sorry, I’ve done this for too long, it’s not working and has now become masochistic behavior. There are plenty of great blogs still out there, I can send you some of my favorites if you’d like.
I’m sorry to see you go, although we come from totally different viewpoints we were united in the belief in the Constitution and truly limited government. That said, I’m glad you are not going to let the fight steal your life. Just keep being you, most fires are started by accident anyway, you never know who you might inspire. My best wishes as you move on to the next stage of your life.
That’s alright. I’m more of the browser kind, evaluating sources myself.
Good luck with whatever new direction your life is going to take now!
There is such a thing as the 6th stage, but it applies mainly to political activists:
Rebirth
It’s basically the stage, where you realize that all your campaigning and your time was spent on something that did not make you happy, but in fact it made you feel worse every day.
And that makes you re-focus on yourself… “It’s time to think of myself for a change.”
And so you go and find a new purpose for your life: yourself.
I feel your pain. I know rhetoric is annoying as hell but the other side of the white flag is you’re not letting them live rent free in your head.
That whole “be the change” thing? That is sometimes all the activism I can stomach because I watch people around me and wonder when the hell they stopped asking questions and started nodding along. When did we get here? And why don’t we see what is happening? People like you give me a glimmer of hope. So keep on keeping on even if quietly with your family.
I have three children who will inherit this crap on a cracker.
So…that said…I try to “prepare” them. People have lived in falling civilizations for years. So I’ll participate where I can and teach them to see the differences in reality and popular thought. And hopefully I’ll raise a few leaders in a world full of sheep. Maybe that will be my form of “do something”? Maybe.
I don’t know how else to help. Every sign I put up, every rant I rant, every thoughtful discussion, every Constitutional vote I cast, every letter I write to the bastards who are SUPPOSED to represent me, every fact I point out that gets smacked down as conspiracy…. Well, okay ‘merka. I give. Have your Titanic party. But don’t ask me to angrily arrange the deck chairs. And don’t ask for my life boat when…
Wait, they’re already trying to take my life boat aren’t they?
Ehhh hell…. I join you. Waving my flag and all.
I’m going to the beach with the kiddies.
Your a hell of a writer and should not give that up!!! Whenever I try to to write I can think it and most of the time even say it but when it gets to my elbow it stops….Let me offer you some advice and you can take it how you want it. We live in a society that needs turmoil (the ying yang is a good example) I mean peace sounds great however war is our only way of self annihilation. We are society of animals that need to told what to do and when to do it. Our recent depression is a good example. Thinking outside of the box what is wrong with a new world order?? You would probably have more of your peace you want in one. What is wrong with a chip being implanted in your skin?? Its a hell of a safety precaution. Is the govenernmet really building FEMA camps all over the country?? Should we really prepare for another civil war?? Who really killed JFK?? Does it matter what would change?? Your headline What is the truth of 9/11??If were told how many people would really stand up to make a difference??? I am in real estate and have said I would trust most drug dealers on street corner than other Realtors. Most of all we live in a society who does not will not take responsibility for their actions. This weekend I had a glass outside my dog tried eat some barbecue sauce of the table my brother turned around to pop my dog my dog jumped back and knockked the glass of the table. Whos fault is it??? Is it mine for leaving the glass, my brothers for scaring the dog, or the dogs for jumping back. My point is its all symantics theres tons of questions and yes there are a ton of crooks. The biggest question is who do we fight, when the government reaches down and puts a stranglehold on our lives, whos fault is that or better yet whos side would you be on??? Is it mine for not standing up a long time ago, is it yours for wanting to give up, is it our fellow “Americans” for not taking responsibility for their actions?? On this note Ill begin with what I started you are great writer and should not give that up…